Children are often told not to “pick” fights meaning not to start fights. But when “pick” is used in the context of “choosing” then it would be good advice to “pick fights.” Conflicts are a part of everyone’s life. Even for individuals among us who seem calmer or more peaceful than most, conflict will still eventually come their way. The key to dealing with conflict is to learn how to “pick fights,” or rather choose your battles wisely.

It is important to understand that not all conflict is bad. When your ideals are being challenged, it may become necessary to face a conflict with someone in order to protect your personal space and your ideals. This is a healthy, necessary conflict. Not facing a conflict that is endangering your personhood is not healthy. The trick is in understanding which types of conflict are necessary and which are not.

Necessary conflicts are those that involve protecting something precious. Your family, your ideals, your personal space and your person hood are all precious. If you must conflict with someone do so as kindly as possible. Take your stand for the aforesaid things, act confidently and leave no doubt as to how you feel about the situation.

Unnecessary conflict are conflict over petty things that will not make any real difference in your life as a whole. Unnecessary conflict is also defensive conflict when our ego is all that is at stake. Releasing our ego is one of the most important steps into moving beyond conflict because most conflict is based in ego. Ego is not a precious element of life that needs protecting. Ego must be released. When ego is released we see others perspectives more clearly. We can really walk in others’ shoes and have more compassion on them and their outlook, cutting down on the instances of conflict with them.